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字幕來源：圣城SCG字幕組
后期：Sung1219 筆?·Lee
本字幕非人人影視翻譯 人人影視只做壓制處理
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片名 盛大婚禮
人們常常把婚姻比作 There's an old expression that a marrage like
深夜的電話 a phone call in the night.
先是聽到電話鈴聲 然后就醒了 First comes the ring, and then you wake up.
我太太 愛麗 和我 My wife, Ellie, and I were married
是在結婚20年后才醒過來 也許又睡著了 for 20 years before we woke up. Or fell asleep.
不管怎樣 最后我們還是離婚了 Or whichever it was that ultimately led to our divorce.
但是 我們依然愛著對方 But we never stopped loving each other.
我們怎么就離婚了呢 我們有三個可愛的孩子 How could we, after three beautiful children?
賈里德 萊拉 和養子 亞歷山德羅 Jared, Lyla, and our adopted son, Alejandro.
我們有自己的房子 有我們的回憶 We had built a home, and a history,
一家人生活在一起 and a family together,
在法庭宣判離婚后和贍養費的壓力下 and that stuff just doesn't evaporate
我們的親情并沒有受到傷害 with the stroke of a pen and some lawyer's fees.
至少 我希望我們的關系沒有變 At least I hope it doesn't.
有人在嗎 Hello?
啊哦 Oh, wow.
媽呀 Ugh!
哦 Oh.
耶 Yep.
看看他們 Look at them.
哦 Oh.
唔 Oof.
我說 你不用這么緊張 I mean, you can't be serious.
沒那么嚴重吧 I mean, it's really that gargantuan of a deal?
太褻瀆了 It's blasphemy.
你說先來哪個 Which do you think came first?
教堂還是舔舔 The Catholic Church, or cunnilingus?
哦 拜托別說那個 Oh. Please do not use that language.
什么意思 不能說"天主教" What do you mean, I can't say "Catholic Church"?
不 是另一個詞 No. The other thing.
大力神 別叫了 Hercules, be quiet.
那我應該說什么 What do I use in its place?
你懂的 這是我的日常用語嘛 You know, when it comes up in conversation.
問題就在這里 Well, that is the point.
這種詞不該出現在日常用語里面 It's not supposed to come up in conversation.
那改成口交怎么樣 How about chowing box?
別說了 唐納德 Stop it, Donald.
-毛毛潛水 怎么樣 -別說了 你真壞 -Muff diving? Huh? -Stop. You're so bad.
用戳的 Poon jab?
用桌的 Poon job?
好吧 我已經吃過午飯 但是如果你堅持 Well, I just had lunch, but if you insist.
哦 唐尼 Oh, Donny!
哦 天吶 Oh, my...
舔舔 Cunnilingus.
你真是個色鬼 You are such a slut.
幸運的女孩 Lucky girl.
哦哦 Ohh!
-對不起 我 -哦 天吶 -Sorry. Oh, my... -Oh, jeez!
-愛麗諾 -哦 -Eleanor? -Oh!
-嗨 -嗨 -Hi. -Hi.
哦 天吶 我不是 真的 我真的非常抱歉 Oh, my God. I don't... Really, I'm so terribly sorry.
他告訴我這兒沒人 He told me that nobody was here.
我不知道他為什么這么做 鑰匙在 And I don't know why he did. The key was over...
不過 我只是 Anyway, I'm just...
我是來 你知道的吧 I'm gonna... You know what I'm gonna do?
哦 天吶 愛麗 Oh, my goodness. Ellie?
-嗨 碧碧 -嗨 -Hi, Bebe. -Hi.
你看上去 嗯 你看上去很好 You look, um... You look wonderful.
謝謝 但是 嗯 Thanks. But, um...
天吶 已經這么久了 Gosh, it's been such a long time.
見到你太好了 我快 It's great to see you. I hardly...
我快認不出你了 I hardly recognize you.
我是說 你看上去這么 I mean, you look so...
-怎么 -這么 這么 -So? -So... So...
-出人意料 -出人意料 -Unexpected. -Unexpected.
-不 并不是 -嘿 唐納德 -No, that's not... -Hey, there's Donald.
愛麗 你像夏天一樣火熱 Ellie. You look like a summer day.
哦 是嘛 那是因為你在冰涼的地上 Oh, well, that's because you're on the floor.
嘿 不說這個了行嗎 Hey, what else is new?
哦 哦 Oh, Oh.
哦 謝謝 Yeah. Thanks.
-哦 -哦 -Oh... -Oh.
這都多久了 How long's it been?
-唔 10年了 -不可能吧 哦 -Ooh, ten years. -Impossible. Oh!
-哦 你不是 我 -哦 哦 不 好吧 -Oh, you're not, I'm... -Ooh! Oh, no, that's okay.
-不 只是 -藍色藥丸的緣故 -No, that's just... -The little blue helper.
一旦起來就沒那么容易消退 What goes up doesn't always come down.
就像一些不開心的事情 像剛剛一樣 It's like a blue thing, like that.
我以為你5點才到 I thought you weren't getting in till around 5:00.
應該是6點半 6:30.
你沒告訴我 You didn't tell me that.
好吧 Well, that's fine.
我剛剛在小鎮上散了會兒步 I just took a little stroll through the village,
才發現好多地方都變了 and it's just so amazing how little things have changed.
哦 天吶 Oh, God.
親愛的 為什么你不帶她去刺繡房呢 Honey, why don't you take her up to the Embroidery Room.
我去準備下床單 I'm gonna round up some sheets.
樂意效勞 女士 At your service, madame.
-這邊 -哦 謝謝 -Right this way. -Oh, thank you.
刺繡房 The Embroidery Room?
哦 你以前的書房 我從不進去 Oh, your old office. I don't go in there.
你們在旅行車上搞上的 She's got you on the wagon?
我三年沒吃過牛排 沒喝過酒了 I ain't had a steak or a drink in three years.
我的雕像一文不值 I can't sculpt worth a fart,
但每次從心臟病科出來 but they give me a lollipop
他們都給我一個棒棒糖 every time I leave the cardiologist.
孩子們去哪兒了 Where are the kids?
賈里德在上班 艾爾和米西在教堂 Jared's at work and AI's enjoying Pre-Cana with Missy.
教堂 哦 不 Pre-Cana, oh, no.
你是說天主教的那些事兒 You mean the Catholic thing with the priest?
是的 你知道奧康納家的毛病 Yeah, you know the O'Connors.
婚姻是上帝賜予眾生最好的禮物 Matrimony is God's greatest gift to his children.
是希望他們圣潔 有教養 To be sanctified, nurtured and protected
不被異教徒所污染 against the seeds of dissent,
而如今 夫妻間結合的過程 we're told too often lead to the chasms of discord,
總有無法修復的缺憾 from which too often many of today's unions
以至于我們不得不進行勸導 are unable to recover.
這種缺憾常會導致離異 It all too often leads to divorce,
在上帝的眼中這被視為罪惡 which is a sin in the eyes of God.
但是 不要有壓力 But no pressure.
米莉薩 你和這位小伙子在一起多久了 Melissa, how long have you and this young man been courting?
一年多了 Just over a year.
但是我們從中學就認識了 But we've known each other since middle school.
是這樣嗎 亞歷山德羅 Alejandro, is it?
你會講英語 不是嗎 You do speak English, don't you?
不 我一點也不會 No. No, actually, I don't.
哦 了解 Oh, I see.
他剛從哈佛畢業 He just graduated from Harvard.
那沒什么 中國有一半人口都在哈佛 Him and half of China.
他會說5種語言 He also speaks five languages,
英語顯然是其中之一 English being very much one of them.
真的嗎 Really?
好吧 告訴我 亞歷山德羅 So, tell me this, Alejandro.
你和米莉薩發生過性關系嗎 Have you been successful thus far at being intimate with young Mellissa?
你說什么 先生 Excuse me, sir?
請稱呼我莫尼漢神父 孩子 Father Moinighan's just fine, son.
我說的是 What I'm asking is,
奧康納小姐還是不是處女 is Miss O'Connor's virginity still intact?
我明白了 I see.
那么有沒有采取安全措施呢 And, uh, did we partake of birth control?
-當然 -啊 當然 -Of course. -Ah, of course.
安全措施 Birth control.
成年人之間嘛 Relationships between consenting adults
彼此間應當有所保留 shall remain privately betwixt themselves,
當然與教會也可以有所保留 and the Church, of course.
我以為我們要下地獄呢 I guess we're going to Hell, then.
上帝會安排的 孩子 In God's good time, my son.
開玩笑 別介意 I'm kidding.
好吧 告訴我 年輕人 So, tell me, young man.
我知道你的養父母 唐和愛麗 I know your adoptive parents, Don and Ellie,
并不是天主教徒 are other than Catholic.
是 是的 我媽是"猶佛教徒" Yeah. Yeah. My mom is Je-Buddhist.
就是信佛的猶太人 That's Jewish/Buddhist.
我爸對宗教的看法嘛 有點 And my father thinks that organized religion is for...
他的生母是地道的天主教徒 His biological mother is very much a Catholic.
她為哥倫比亞的某個主教工作 She works for a bishop in Colombia.
-那很不錯啊 -我們非常高興 -Good for her. -And we're very excited
因為他媽媽馬上就要來參加我們的婚禮了 because we just found out that she's coming to the wedding.
-沒錯 -哦 很好 -She is. -Oh, wonderful.
-哦 天吶 -怎么了 -Oh, God. -Yes?
什么 What?
不好意思 沒事兒 Sorry. Nothing. It's fine.
我假設一下 你媽媽會非常愿意 I'm assuming that your mother will be very encouraging
讓她的孫子也皈依天主的光輝 of her grandchildren being raised in the Church.
實際上 我們想等他們長大了 Uh, actually, we decided to wait until they're old enough
讓他們自己做決定 and then just let them decide.
那就下地獄吧 Hell it is, then.
嗨 賈里德在嗎 Hi. Is Jared in?
-你是他的病人 -他姐姐 -Are you a patient? -Sister.
哦 哦 好 Oh. Oh. Right.
-嗨 我是簡 -嗨 -Hi, I'm Jane. -Hi.
他在產房 你可以在父親等候室稍等 He's in a delivery, so you can wait over in the Daddy's Room
我會通知他你在等他 and I'll let him know that you're here.
好的 Okay.
你好 Hello.
不 我是說她就那樣從插座上拔下來了 No, I mean she literally pulled it out of the socket.
-我想我在這兒更安全 -謝天謝地 -I figured I'd be a lot safer here. -Thank Christ.
你是在開玩笑嗎 Are you freaking kidding me?
這是在醫院 We're in a hospital.
是的 對不起 Right. Sorry.
我沒打算抽 Just practicing.
我早就不吸煙了 我一個月前就戒煙了 I don't even smoke. I quit a month ago.
是個女孩 It's a girl.
哦 我的天吶 我一會兒打給你 她 Oh, my God. I gotta call you back. Is she...
母女平安 They're both doing just fine.
你想看看她嗎 Would you like to meet her?
你醒了 There you are.
我死了嗎 Am I dead?
對不起 賈里德馬上就來 Sorry. Jared'll be in in a sec.
太好了 My hero.
他很貼心 對吧 He's a sweetie, huh?
嗯 Hmm.
我問一下 請別介意哈 I hope this isn't too inappropriate to ask,
那是真的嗎 他從來沒有 but is it true that he's never really had...
是真的 It's true.
哦 Oh.
好啦 是誰被從父親等候室 Okay. What kind of a doily
推出去了 passes out in the Daddy's Room?
-希望你現在好點了 -謝謝 -I hope you feel better. -Thank you.
-醫生 -謝謝 -Doctor. -Thank you.
謝謝 Thank you.
她很活潑 She's perky.
誰 簡嗎 是 她很好 Who, Jane? Yeah, she's great.
說到那個話題她還尖叫了一下 She's screaming for a shot at the title.
很好 Nice.
她哪里有問題 What could possibly be wrong with her?
這種面帶稚氣 充滿活力 頭扎馬尾的 I am so over this whole fresh-faced, Ivy League,
常春藤畢業生我見得多了 preppie, bouncy, ponytail-y type.
卻還沒拿下過任何一個 Don't you have to be under one first?
說到痛處了 Good one.
順便說下 她知道了 She knows, by the way.
是的 上個月 我和一群人出去 Yeah. A bunch of us went out
喝了幾杯 for too many margaritas last month.
現在她們組成了一個破處聯盟了 Now they have, like, an un-virgin pool going.
什么 What?
一群辣妹護士密謀怎么破你的處 A bevy of hot nurses are conspiring to bang your brains out?
你應該收錢啊 You should press charges.
不 這不是我弟弟 他在等待真愛 No, not my brother. He's gotta wait for love.
恩 是的 Yeah, well...
15歲的時候有這個想法應該是挺高尚的 It seemed like a really noble idea when I was 15.
不過現在我開始動搖了 Anyway, I'm starting to waver.
別說了 Shut up.
不 我馬上就30歲了 No, I'm gonna be 30 soon.
那意味著我已經浪費了 But then that would mean that I've wasted the last
15年了 15-plus years.
你沒事了 You're fine.
好吧 叫她回來 Well, call what's-her-name back in here.
來吧 你可以用這張床 Come on. You can use my bed.
我可以在大廳等著 我可以偷偷笑 I'll wait in the hall. I can laugh really quietly.
還是我把你放到嬰兒室去吧 Or I could just put you back in there with the babies.
不 No.
哦 Oh.
你還好嗎 Whoa, whoa. You okay?
我想你應該 I want you to...
看著我 看我的鼻子 Look right at me. Right at my nose.
好了 你可能有點腦震蕩 Yeah, you might have a concussion.
怎么知道的 How will I know?
頭疼 想吐 Headaches, vomiting.
還沒見老爹就這樣了 Hmm. And I haven't even seen Dad yet.
嘿 安德魯呢 Hey. Where's Andrew?
不知道 先不談這個好嗎 I don't know. Can we bookmark it?
關于"萊拉的干癟生活" I want to keep the whole "Lyla's desiccating her life" lectures
我打算回頭再做解釋 down to one a day.
拭目以待 I can't wait.
再見 賈里德 See you, Jared.
他們都不行 Neither can they.
很大的喲 He's huge.
我記得 I remember.
看看小賈里德 Look at Jared.
萊拉 哦 還有小不點亞歷山德羅 Lyla. Oh, look how tiny Alejandro was.
我們裝修的時候 One of the workers almost painted over that
一個油漆工都快把這個刷沒了 while we were redecorating.
要不是唐納德推開我 我就拿著針刺穿他的喉嚨了 I had my knitting needle to his throat when Donald pulled me off of him.
是啊 現在他們都長大了 Yeah. And now they're all grown.
是啊 Yeah.
你對他們來說太重要了 You were so wonderful to them.
恩 他們畢竟不是我的孩子 但是 你知道 Well, they're not officially my kids, but, you know...
上帝 你看上去還是那么驚艷 God, you look stunning.
少來了 碧碧 我們都老了 Cut the crap, Bebes. I look a decade older and so do you.
不用穿塑身衣的還說這種話啊 Said the one of us not wearing control tops.
等見到瑪芬再說吧 你會吃驚的 Wait until you see Muffin. Oh, my God.
我聽說她拉過皮啦 I heard she had work done.
按某人的話說 嚇死人了 Really, like, somebody said it was scary.
可以說她大部分臉現在都在耳朵后面了 Well, let's just say most of her face is now behind her ears.
而且她簡直是個瘋子 And she's completely mental.
糾結于婚禮的細節 讓我抓狂 She's driving me crazy about the details of the wedding,
真是諷刺 我們在這里舉行婚禮 which is ironic because we're hosting it here.
-是的 -是的 -Right. -Right?
我準備食物 理所應當 And I'm catering it. Organic, of course.
哦 上帝 見到你真是讓我吃驚 Oh, God, I was just so terrified to see you.
哦 別介意 我是說 那都是很久以前的事兒了 Oh, don't be. I mean, look, it was a long time ago.
所以 So...
是的 現在你在這兒 我才知道我有多想念你 Yeah. Well, now that you're here, I realize how much I missed you.
好吧 嘿 我想說 Well. Hey, I want to say something.
-關于這所房子 -什么 -This house? -Yeah?
真是太難以置信了 It looks absolutely incredible.
你們什么時候結婚 When were you two married, anyway?
哦 我們不會結婚 我不需要戒指 Oh, we weren't. I don't need a ring.
我是說 我也想要戒指 但是 I mean, maybe I'd like to have a ring some time, but...
你應該告訴他 You should tell him.
他知道 他知道 He knows. He knows.
可能還沒到那個分上吧 Doesn't exactly back stroke through the deep end of the sensitivity pool.
嘿 看看你們兩個人 Hey. Look at you two.
從最后一條狗死后 Haven't seen this much tail around here
我可再沒這么尾行過了 since the last poochie died.
哦 好了 Oh, Well.
歡迎來到叢林 Welcome to the jungle.
我真不喜歡這個地方 I truly loathe this place.
哦 是因為在這里認識了那個鐘點工嗎 Oh. Is that because you've hooked up with, like, half the staff?
那是高中 再說手活不能算的 It was high school. And hand jobs don't count.
哦 天吶 Oh, thank God.
嗨 哦 看看你啊 真漂亮 Hi. Oh, look at you. You look gorgeous.
你也是 天啊 我真喜歡你的發型 Oh, so do you. Oh, my God, your hair, I love it.
-謝謝 -你能來太好了 -Thanks. -I'm so glad you're here.
-姐姐 -外來戶 -Sister. -Immigrant.
-唯利是圖的律師 -小伙伴 -Ambulance chaser. -Partner.
嘿 不錯嘛 安德魯呢 Hey, good for you. Where's Andrew?
-我的天啊 -你還好吧 -Oh, God. -Are you okay?
-我得坐下 -來 來 -I gotta sit down. -Come. Come.
她都已經醉了 She's drunk already?
輕微腦震蕩 這會很有趣的 Mild concussion. This should be fun.
好像我們一訂婚 It's, like, as soon as we got engaged,
突然他們就覺得他不是白人了 it suddenly dawned on them that he's not Caucasian.
等等 你不是白人嗎 Wait, you're not Caucasian?
現在不是 Not at the moment.
那真讓人心煩 Well, that's upsetting.
他們表面上好像在參加盛大的晚宴 They're, like, putting on this whole dinner theater,
演戲給別人看 裝得很酷 PC act, pretending to be really cool,
但其實他們很崩潰 but really they're freaking out
因為他們會有棕色皮膚的外孫 that they're gonna have beige grandkids.
那樣不是有點虛偽嗎 Isn't that a little hypocritical,
鑒于你父親被依法追究 因為 considering your father's being investigated for...
我的小公主在這啊 There's my little princess!
親愛的 縷縷頭發 Darling. A wisp.
沒關系 No, it's fine.
親愛的 你還記得科恩斯夫婦吧 Sweetheart, you know the Corns.
-嗨 -嗨 見到你太好了 -Hi. -Hi. Good to see you.
這是她朋友亞歷山德羅 And this is her friend Alejandro.
-嗨 很高興見到你 -嘿 -Hi. Nice to meet you. -Hey.
-叫我愛爾就好 -好的 愛爾 -AI is fine. -Good. AI.
-你好 萊拉 -瑪芬 -Well, hello, Lyla. -Muffin.
芝加哥怎么樣 How's Chicago?
到處都是美籍西班牙人和猶太人 Crawling with spics and Jews.
恭喜 Mazel tov.
我在發抖 我是說這么長時間了 I'm shaking, I mean, it's been so long.
我要跟她說些什么 What the hell am I gonna say to her?
唐 你會沒事的 Don, you're gonna do fine.
我要喝一杯 I need, uh, a drink.
寶貝 嘿 Babe, hey.
謝謝 寶貝 Thanks, babe.
-她來了 -好的 -There she is. -Okay.
你好 親愛的 Hello, sweetheart.
你好嗎 How are you?
唐納德 Donald.
你看起來真美啊 You look breathtaking.
你又胖了點 You've packed on a few.
不過肉長在了該長的地方 但是 You know, only in the good spots. But...
你 我能不能 Do you... Well, is it okay if I...
其實 我只是 我現在感覺不太舒服 Actually, I'm just... I'm not feeling so hot right now.
嘿 我想死你了 Oh, hey. I miss you so much.
噢 嘿 Oh, hey.
我真沒開玩笑 我確實感覺不舒服 I wasn't actually kidding. I really don't feel well.
我真希望我們有時間聊聊 I really wish we could spend some time,
-你知道 就我們三個 -爸爸 -you know, just the three... -Dad!
我的天啊 她 Oh, my God. Is she...
你沒事吧 我的天 You all right? Oh, my God.
好了 感覺好多了 Okay. So much better.
告訴我們點內幕吧 So give us the lowdown.
明天彩排晚宴 Rehearsal dinner tomorrow.
周六在家里舉行婚禮 Saturday wedding at the house.
那去哪里度蜜月呢 And where are we going on our honeymoon?
越南和柬埔寨 Vietnam and Cambodia.
是啊 我們建議去威尼斯 但是我們說了又不算 Yeah. We suggested Venice, but we don't count.
因為那里更安全 Because it's safer.
還有就是 因為亞歷山德羅的母語是威尼斯語 But also, of course, because Venice is Alejandro's native language.
你的名字叫瑪芬(松餅) Your name is Muffin.
是的 Yes.
我很喜歡柬埔寨 I love Cambodia.
而且很安全 And it's perfectly safe.
我知道是因為我在那住了三個月 I know, because I lived there for three months.
媽在亞洲找到了自我 Mom found herself in Asia.
什么 What?
真是荒謬 That's absurd.
-我錯過了什么 -媽 -What'd I miss? -Mom.
你了解印度密教嗎 Don't you know Tantra?
你是那么說的嗎 Is that how you say it?
有一次 你持續九個小時高潮 You had a nine-hour orgasm once?
真的嗎 Seriously?
太可怕了 That's gross.
小小的自我探索死不了人的 年輕人 A little self-exploration wouldn't kill you, young man.
好吧 Okay.
你這情況 還是少點自我探索吧 Or maybe a little less self-exploration, in your case.
-噢 -對吧 小處 -Oh. -Right, virgy?
-要開戰嗎 -是的 -So it's on. -Oh, yeah.
一比零 One-nothing.
-九個小時 -好啦 -Nine hours? -Okay.
都不疼嗎 Doesn't that hurt?
等下 萊拉 Wait a second. Lyla.
安德魯為什么沒來 Why isn't Andrew here?
遇到什么麻煩了嗎 Trouble in paradise?
就你話多 You're a peach.
他們都沒空嘛 And they're all tied up.
好吧 我不明白 他在說什么 Okay, I don't understand. What's he talking about?
安德魯搬出去了 Andrew's moved out.
他搬出去了 He's moved out?
他是不是去鬼混 Is he fooling around?
如果是 我閹了他 Because I'll tweeze his balls off.
真是個好主意 Oh, great idea.
因為那樣做真是太有用了 Yeah, 'cause karmically that would make a ton of sense.
發生什么事了 What happened?
我們可以稍后再談這個 We can talk about this later.
你們知道嗎 Uh, you know what?
既然說到這了 那就說開了吧 As long as it's come up, let's just get it over with.
因為我肯定巴瑞和瑪芬 Because I'm sure Barry and Muffin here
迫不及待想聽聽 are just dying to hear all about
關于測驗 注射 the tests, and the injections,
以及過去四年我所受的屈辱 and humiliation I've so enjoyed the last four years.
-不 我們真的不 -噓 -No, we really don't... -Shh!
親愛的 Honey...
我們無時無刻不在吵架 We were fighting. All the time.
而且 And it just...
然后越來越艱難 他受不了 It just got really hard, and he couldn't take it.
我也明白 所以在他提出之前 我先放了他 And I knew that, so I cut him loose before he did it to me.
阿門 所以 Amen. So...
有沒有人想來杯大都會 Who do you have to lynch for a cosmo around here?
-好吧 -我不明白 -Okay. -I don't get it.
她不能生孩子 She can't have children.
抱歉我失陪一下 去 Okay, could you please excuse me, just...
-不 不 不 我去吧 -不 不 唐 -No, no. No. I've got it. -No, no. Don.
我覺得你去不好 I don't think it's a good idea.
在你跳下去之前 Before you end it all,
你應該知道小孩用的游泳池的水是去年夏天灌滿的 you should know they filled in the kiddy pond last summer.
所以呢 So?
可以這么說 成人游泳池 Let's just say, the grown-up pool
今年溫度高一些 is a few degrees warmer this year.
你在哪兒呢 Where are you?
你后面 一如既往 Right behind you. Same place I've always been.
這樣行嗎 我 Is it okay if I...
行 恐高癥沒事嗎 Yeah. Thought you were afraid of heights.
高點沒關系 The heights are fine.
我不喜歡太低 It's the lows I'm not in love with.
怎么會 How's it coming?
站得高看得遠 圣誕節之前我會到那的 Uh, spectacular. I'll get there well before Christmas.
我知道我們應該 I know we're supposed to do this whole
父女在一起好好聊聊 father-daughter Kumbaya on a stick thing,
但是那樣行不通 but it just doesn't work that way.
我要坐下了 I'm gonna sit down.
好 Okay.
我知道 I know.
你不止對媽媽不忠 Mom wasn't the only one you cheated on.
我知道 I know.
我還是不明白碧碧在 I still don't know how Bebe sleeps at night
你跟媽媽一起建造的房子里怎么睡得著 in a house you and Mom built together.
正確的做法應該是賣掉它 And the decent thing would have been to just sell it,
或者燒了它 or burn the place down.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
抱歉什么呢 For what?
大多情況下會是事與愿違 That things rarely turn out the way we want them to.
是啊 Yeah.
聽我說 親愛的 安德魯的事 Listen, honey. You know, this thing with Andrew...
唐 Don.
想喝點嗎 Want my cosmo?
聞起來不好 Down to my toenails.
不了 謝謝 No, thanks.
奶奶的 Mother-pisser.
天啊 你肯定很激動 My God, you must be so excited.
多久了 好像四年沒見到他們了吧 It's been, what, like four years since you've seen them?
給 親愛的 吃點蔬菜 Here, sweetie, have some vegetables.
我有點緊張 其實 I'm kind of nervous, actually.
什么 你不必緊張啊 為什么啊 Yeah. What? You don't have to be. Why?
因為我妹妹從來沒離開過哥倫比亞 Well, because my sister's never even left Colombia.
太多了 That's plenty.
真的嗎 她跟你媽媽一樣傳統嗎 Oh, really? Is she as traditional as your mother?
我想是 她非常靦腆 I think so. She's extremely shy. So...
聽我說 我們會竭盡全力 Well, listen to me. We are going to make them feel
讓她們有賓至如歸的感覺 as welcome and at home as we possibly can.
我是不是必須承諾 Did you know that I have to promise
以天主教方式撫養孩子 to raise our kids Catholic
否則牧師不肯為我們舉行儀式 or the priest won't even perform the ceremony?
拜托 那都是14世紀老掉牙的思想了 Oh, come on. That's very 14th-century of him.
-對吧 -聽我的 -Right? -Just, listen to me,
在背后交叉手指 然后說"哈利路亞 耶穌保佑" cross your fingers behind your back, and just say, "Hallelujah, Jesus."
米西一直都這樣說 That's what Missy keeps saying.
但這不是整個事情的原則嗎 But it's the principle of the whole thing, isn't it?
不 不是 這是婚姻 No, it's not. It's marriage.
一次妥協了 還有2999000次妥協 One compromise down, 2.999 million to go.
說起妥協 Speaking of compromises,
我有點事求你們幫忙 I have something that I need to ask you guys.
盡管說吧 Anything.
只是 這 這忙不小 It's just, it's... It's kind of a big one.
唐 我的天 Don? Oh, my God!
你知道你兒子剛跟我說什么嗎 Do you know what your son just told me?
-哈 -天 -Huh? -Oh, my God.
你知道天主教怎么看待離婚這事嗎 You know how the Catholics have this thing about divorce?
我剛剛才知道 Well, it turns out that Madonna
麥當娜對離婚這事的怪異看法 is under some sort of ridiculous impression
她覺得離婚是窮兇惡極的罪惡 that divorce is a great big, fat sin.
麥當娜是誰 Who's Madonna?
愛爾的生母啊 你瘋了還是怎么的 AI's biological mother! What are you, nuts?
我沒在聽 I'm not listening.
她還覺得 And she's also under the impression
這偌大的世界上 罪大惡極的離婚者之中 that of all the big, fat divorce sinners in this whole big, wide world,
不包括咱倆啊 you and I are not among them.
-呃 -唐 -Uh... -Don?
你有在聽我說嗎 Can you even hear what I'm saying?
-沒聽 -咱倆沒離婚啊 -Not remotely. -We're not divorced!
-懂嗎 -你說什么 -Got it? -What?
接下來的三天 你我還要假裝夫妻 For the next three days, you and I are husband and wife.
-你說什么 -就是 -What? -Yes!
糟糕 Shit!
唐啊 Don!
我很不爽 I feel terrible.
這年頭誰都能上哈佛了 是吧 They're just letting anyone into Harvard these days, huh?
你沒告訴她 就因為 And you never told her about them because...
我以為她不可能來這兒啊 I mean, there was no way she was ever gonna come here.
婚前咨詢之后我才知道這事 It never even occurred to me until that Pre-Cana.
-等下 -噢 -Well, wait a minute. -Oh.
萬一她知道了真相怎么辦 What would happen if she knew the truth?
你說過領養后 她給你帶來多大的折磨 You told me what she put you through during the adoption.
她拋棄了唯一的兒子 只為了讓我能有機會過上好日子 She gave up her only son so that I could have a chance at a better life.
事到如今 她跑出哥倫比亞 And now, she left Colombia,
她可是發過誓永遠不踏出那里一步啊 還坐著飛機 which she swore she would never do. On an airplane,
她最怕坐飛機啊 which she's petrified of,
來到這兒 發現我一直對她撒謊 only to find out that I've been lying to her
原來過去15年來 about being raised by heathens
養育我的竟然是異教徒 for the past 15 years.
-無意冒犯 -沒關系 -No offense. -None taken.
會傷透她柔弱的小心臟啊 It'd break her poor little heart.
干脆冒牌幾天吧 又不是什么大事 Why don't we just fake it for a of couple days? No big deal.
你怎么知道自己能裝的跟真的一樣 And what makes either of you think you could pull this off?
寶貝 我只有一小點細節搞不明白 Sweetie, there's just one little part that I'm stuck on.
如果你倆還是夫妻 If those two are still married,
那我算什么 then what does that make me?
妾 My concubine?
我還沒想到這一步 I hadn't really gotten there yet.
看出來了 I see.
好啦 All right.
還有誰要喝茶 More tea, anyone?
看來某人的日子比我過得還爛啊 I thought my life was a shit storm.
我覺得不對勁 I feel awful.
那你到底還在等什么 Well, then what the hell are you waiting for?
有好戲看了 This is gonna go great.
何不在露餡之前 把她安撫下來 Before we start shitting kittens, why don't we just sit the old gal down
告訴她真相 咱倆就是離婚了啊 and lay it all out for her? You and I are divorced.
又不是搬到動物園去住之類的大事 It's not like we moved to a fucking petting zoo or something.
她來自另一個國家 She's from another country.
一個文化迥異的國家 A very different country.
她的價值觀跟我們的不一樣 And her values aren't the same as ours.
所以還是在周末的時候假裝夫妻吧 So just pretend to be married for the weekend.
又不是什么大事 What's the big deal?
你想讓我怎么做 Where would you like me to start?
嘿 聽著 這可不是狂歡節 女人 Hey, listen. You were no Mardi Gras, toots.
你剛叫我什么來著 What did you call me?
咱們說白了啊 噢 Let's get that straight. Oh.
是個說法而已 說法而已 And it's an expression. It's an expression.
表示愛慕 別太追根究底了 Of endearment. So don't get all Jane Fonda about it.
這樣啊 西藏人 Uh-huh. Well, you know, the Tibetans
對于這樣的時刻 have a wonderful expression
也有一個不錯的說法 for moments like these as well.
是什么 Yeah?
大意就是 "滾你的吧 唐" Loosely translated, it means, "Go fuck a yak, Don."
經典時刻 我終于有回家的感覺了 That's the moment. I finally feel home.
她要走了 So, she's leaving.
道歉 你有病啊 為何不 Some apology. What is the matter with you? Why can't...
她不肯聽我說啊 She won't listen to me.
她哪兒都不會去 She's not going anywhere.
寶貝 別鬧了 Honey, this is all very dramatic.
-能不能 -閉嘴 唐納德 -Can't we just... -Put a sock in it, Donald.
我幫你拿 Let me help you with this.
咱去廚房 喝點茶 Let's go in the kitchen, let's have some tea...
-你討厭我沏的茶 -我喜歡你沏的茶 -You hate my tea. -I love your tea.
真的嗎 好吧 Really? Okay, okay.
我討厭你沏的茶 可別的都很好啊 I do hate your tea. But the rest of you is pure perfection.
-拿著行李箱吧 -寶貝 求求你 聽著 -Just take the suitcase. -Honey, please. Look...
碧碧啊 Bebe?
耶穌大帝 Jesus.
我打電話給霍莉 讓她管著酒席 I'll call Holly and have her oversee the catering.
我保證 咱們何必這樣呢 I promise, we can figure this out.
這周末是屬于你和米西 This weekend should be about you and Missy,
還有你的幸福的日子 and your happiness.
若我的存在意味著幸福不能實現 And if my presence means that that doesn't happen...
可是 碧碧 你是這幸福的重要組成部分啊 But, Bebe, you're a big part of that happiness.
我還是 I'll just...
不行 若我留在這兒 No. Because then every time
你每次回顧結婚當天 you look back on your wedding day,
就會充滿痛苦和悔恨 it's gonna be with pain and regret.
我不能讓你有這種感覺 And I can't allow that to happen.
我愛你 寶貝 I love you, sweetie.
噢 Oh.
再見 寶貝 把這當做我送的結婚禮物 行吧 Ciao, baby. Just consider this my wedding present, okay?
去幫你爸爸 免得他心臟病發作 Oh, God, help your father before he blows his bypass.
爸 我來搬 Pop, I got it.
這才對嘛 That's it.
好了 勇敢點 優雅點 There. You be brave, and elegant.
記住了嗎 別聽老混蛋們胡扯 Okay? Don't take shit from any of the old people.
碧碧 碧碧啊 Bebe. Bebe!
拜托 干嘛要走啊 Please, you don't have to do this.
哦得了吧你 Oh, pishposh.
我這就帶上唐納德的白金卡去購物 I'm gonna go to The Plaza, use Donald's platinum card.
聽我說 這個周末我需要你 Listen. Look, I need you this weekend.
沒你我這關可過不去 我沒法 I can't get through this without you. I can't...
邊兒去 唐納德 你有大麻煩了 Back off, Donald. You're already on thin ice.
我到底干了什么 What the hell did I do?
問題不在于你做了什么 It's not what you did.
好 行 那我沒做什么 Okay. Okay, what didn't I do?
你怎么不去問問你老婆 Why don't you ask your wife?
或許她樂意解釋給你聽 Maybe she'll explain it to you.
碧碧 Bebe.
-錯在我 -千真萬確 -My fault. -Yep.
錯在我 真他媽不可理喻 My fault! Un-fucking-believable.
孩子 給你條婚前建議 婚前能單身多久就單身多久 Piece of wedding advice, kid, stay single as long as you can.
-一定做到 -相信我 -Will do. -Trust me.
能多久 就多久 As long as you possibly can.
咳 打擾了 我能插句話嗎 Hey, I'm sorry, but may I just say something here?
你所謂愛的那個女人剛剛氣壞了 The woman that you supposedly love is devastated,
結果你就憋出來一句"保持單身" and all you've got, Don, is "stay single."
就開個玩笑 It was a joke.
對哦 我都忘了 你從60年代開始就沒笑過 Right, I forgot, you haven't laughed since the '60s.
是啊 自從跟你結婚以來就沒 Yeah. Not since I married you.
是 是 肯定不會重蹈覆轍了 Yeah, well, promise to never do that again.
噢 相信我 100萬年也不會了 Oh, believe me, not in a million years.
行 可千萬別把令堂扯進來 Well, but let's not bring your mother into this.
呃 你們兩個 Um, guys.
嘿呀 Ki-yai!
你剛往我臉上揍了一拳 你干什么啊 You just punched me in the face! What are you doing?
你給我聽著 我可是拿到了跆拳道綠帶 I could tell you something, I earned my green belt,
唐 你要是再敢對我母親出言不遜的話 我 and you talk shit about my mother again, I swear, Don...
-你們兩個 -怎么了啊 -Guys! -What?
我怎么記得她明天才來 I thought she wasn't coming until tomorrow.
那已經是昨天了 老天爺 That was yesterday. For God's sake.
你他媽剛往我臉上揍了一拳 You just punched me in the fucking face.
我錯了 來吧 親愛的 I'm sorry. Here we go, dear.
你這是干什么 What are you doing?
什么叫我在干什么 What do you mean, what am I doing?
我哪知道 你剛還揍了我 I don't know. After what you just did?
-你得握著我的手 -不會有事的 -You're gonna hold my hand. -It's okay.
感謝你們邀請我來你們家 Thank you for inviting me to your home.
哦 Oh...
我希望亞歷山德羅和米莉薩 I pray that Alejandro and Melissa
在一起時能和你們倆一樣幸福 are as wonderful together as you've been.
嗯 Mmm!
-多謝 多謝 -是啊 -Gracias. Gracias. -Yeah.
有件事我們
有件事我得告訴您
不 不 No, no.
隨便隨便 反正就是那個意思 Whatever. Just whatever...
不 我知道 我知道怎么說了 老伴兒 No, I've got it. I've got it, honey.
哦 天啊 Oh, dear.
謝謝你 歡迎 Thank you. Welcome.
就這樣吧 Anyway.
哦 她想知道您的鼻子怎么在流血 Oh, she wants to know why your nose is bleeding.
哦 這個 呃 不 只是 她不懂英語吧 Oh, this? Well, no, it's... No English, right?
不懂 No.
因為我老婆是19世紀出了名的婊子 Because my wife is one of the great cunts of the 19th century.
呃 Uh...
行 算你狠 Yeah. There you go.
我的孩子們終于團聚了
媽媽 進來吧 Mama. Here we go.
嗨 你們好啊 Hi. Hello.
這是我的姐姐萊拉 This is my sister Lyla.
-嗨 -這是賈里德 -Hi. -And this is Jared.
呃 一個律師一個醫生 Uh, the lawyer and the doctor.
是啊 Yes.
她說我兒子能有這樣的榜樣很幸運 She said my son is lucky to have such role models.
? 我們是你的榜樣哦 Aww, we're your role models.
那個是翻譯問題 That's a mistranslation.
-才不是 -就是 這是努麗雅 -No, it's not. -Yes, it is. This is Nuria.
嗨 Hi.
嘿 很高興認識你 Hey. Really nice to meet you.
這房子漂亮極了
咳 您看 也沒 Oh, you see, it's not...
借過一下 抱歉 Excuse me. Sorry.
抱歉啊 只是 我們還沒找到新的內飾裝修工 Sorry. It's not... We're in between interior decorators.
是啊 那兒還有座雕塑 Yes, and there's a statue, too.
哦天吶 我的品位還真不錯 And oh, my goodness, I have such wonderful taste.
是啊 唐 親愛的 Yeah. Don, darling.
我覺得你要是帶她去你的工作室看看 I think it would be a wonderful idea
會很有意思的 if you showed her your studio, dear.
的確會相當"有意思"的 I don't think that's such a good idea.
嘿 我覺得 這是個超棒的主意 Hey, you know, I think that's a really good idea.
好 跟我來 Right. There you go.
謝謝你 老伴兒 Thank you, sweetie.
就這邊兒 Right this way.
那是別人委托我做的 That's a commission.
給某個闊佬的婆姨的生日禮物 Birthday present for some fat cat's wife.
這玩意兒 It's...
是啊 清醒的感覺糟透了 Yeah. Sucks being sober.
您喜歡嗎 You like?
艾爾有個妹妹 這種感覺怪怪的 是不是 Well, that's weird that Al's got a sister, right?
是啊 還有個媽 Yeah. And a mother.
你嫉妒了 Are you jealous?
別搞笑了 Don't be ridiculous.
只是 我是覺得 從沒想過真會見到她 I mean, it's just, I never thought I'd actually meet her.
你真覺得你跟老爸能搞定這事兒 You really think you and Dad can pull this off?
我們可是成年人 We're adults.
什么時候的事兒 Since when?
哦 不 一個女人能有多少照片 Oh, no. How many pictures can one woman have?
哦 Oh.
-哦 天吶 -哦 是啊 -Oh, my God. -Oh, yeah.
哦 這可不好辦 哦 不不不 Oh. That is so not okay. Oh, no, no, no.
寶貝兒 Amor.
是亞歷山德羅 Alejandro?
看起來可像他呢 對吧 Looks just like him, right?
還有米莉薩 Y Melissa.
是啊 如果我完成得了的話 Yeah, if I ever finish.
說的什么 我沒聽懂 What's that? I don't understand.
哦 哦 她問你了不了解米西 Oh, oh. She asked if you know Missy well.
哦 是 是 自從 Oh, si, si. Since...
她父母是我們的朋友 Her parents are friends of ours.
你認為我跟米西是否足夠愛對方 Do you think that Missy and I love each other enough
然后永遠幸福呢 to have happiness forever?
是的 Si.
她覺得你很狡猾 She thinks you are a serpent.
噢 Oh.
學好恭維話 走遍天下都不怕 Well, flattery will get you everywhere.
這個是二元性的象征 代表靈與肉之間的抗爭 It's a symbol of duality, the struggle between spirit and matter.
我知道她沒說我什么好話 I know she's not saying something good about me.
一個男人與藝術表達的純粹性抗爭時的 Perverse thrill of a man competing
執拗的震顫 with the purity of artistic expression.
這下 她說我?了 So, she's calling me a pervert.
-差不多吧 -是啊 -Essentially. -Yeah.
我覺得這算是恭維 I think it was a compliment.
多新鮮啊 How refreshing.
她現在想去見莫尼漢神父 Now she would like to meet Father Moinighan.
-真的 -嗯 -Really? -Mmm.
他昨夜的酒現在也該醒了吧 Well. It's possible his hangover's worn off by now.
您的收件箱里 You have no new messages
沒有新消息 請您 in your mailbox. Please...
要小心啊 我們這里曾經出過鯊魚 Careful. We've had shark problems in the past.
淡水里也有鯊魚 Freshwater sharks?
真是一針見血啊 呃 我能坐下嗎 Touche. Uh, may I?
在這兒長大一定很棒 So, it must have been wonderful to grow up here.
是啊 是啊 我們當中有些人還沒長大呢 Yeah. Yeah, some of us are still working on it.
你跟亞歷山德羅一起去的哈佛 You went to Harvard with Alejandro?
我去了 是啊 I did. Yeah.
不過我只是開車送他過去 In that I just drove him there.
不過我覺得要是我遺傳的不是我父母的DNA But I think I definitely would have enrolled
我當初肯定會報名的 had I not got my parents' DNA.
你 你好幽默 You... You are funny.
謝了 你也 你 Thank you. And you're... You are...
我們可以游泳吧 We are permitted to swimming?
怎么想起問這個 Why?
不 我是說 可以 當然可以 咱們 呃 No, I mean, yeah. Totally. Let's, um...
我姐姐她房間里有一堆泳衣 My sister got a ton of swimsuits in her room.
我就 我就去拿一件 一會兒就回來 I'll... Let me grab one, I'll be one sec.
-我靠 -怎么了 -Holy shit. -What?
我靠 Holy shit.
你不來嗎 Are you coming?
是啊 我大概是應該就 對 Yeah. I should probably just... Yeah.
看來 泳衣 So, bathing suits,
在哥倫比亞不那么重要 嗯 it's not really that big a deal in Colombia, huh?
我才來這里幾天 Well, I am only here for a few days,
我想盡可能地多看看美國 and I would like to see as much of America as I can.
這才公平 That's only fair.
因為看你我們已經看到不少內容了 Since we're seeing so much of you.
你能帶我看看周圍嗎 You will show me around?
是啊 可以 不會 嗯 Yeah. I can... Wouldn't be, you know... Yeah.
我今天晚上要彩排晚餐 不過然后我就能 I got the rehearsal dinner tonight, but then I could...
然后你也會和我做愛嗎 And you will make love to me also?
呃 Hmm...
說清楚了 瞧著 Just so we're clear, you're
遺囑上沒你的名字了 from the will.
碧碧想把他綁過來已經想了好多年了 Bebe's been trying to rope him in here for years.
要是有誰拿著一枚戒指或者一座王冠來找我 Anyone comes at me with a ring or a crown,
或者任何其它有法定約束力的垃圾 or any other legally binding bullshit,
我就抽了他們的膝蓋骨 就這么簡單 I take out their kneecaps. That's it.
一座王冠 A crown?
但你是個婚姻幸福的人 親愛的 But you're a happily married man, darling.
今晚咱倆睡一起的時候你再記著 Remember that tonight when we're in bed together.
我會的 豬從我屁股里飛出來就行 老伴兒 I will, right after the pigs fly out of my ass, sweetie.
-好一幅畫面 -哦 你就不能 -That's a nice image. -Oh, would you...
早上好 神父 Good morning, Father.
啊 我還以為我的雙眼欺騙了我 Oh, I thought my eyes deceived me,
不過我的耳朵還是說了實話 but my ears bespoke the truth.
寒舍來了格里芬一家啊 There are Griffins in my humble church.
比爾 仗打得怎么樣了 Bill. How goes the war?
這個嘛 房車出游挺好的 Well, being on the wagon's not entirely bad.
只要那輪子別呻吟得那么刺耳 If only the wheels didn't squeak so perniciously.
Padre和我一起為汽車協會做過事兒 兩次 Padre and I did AA together. Twice.
不 三次 事不過三嘛 No, three times. And third time's the charm.
神父 我想讓您見見我的生母 Father, I would like you to meet my biological mother.
叫麥當娜·索托 Madonna Soto.
能認識你很榮幸 女士 It's a great privilege to meet you, madam.
你媽媽有點老派呢 Your mother's a little old school.
很抱歉 不過我的拉丁語有些生疏了 I'm sorry, but my Latin's a bit rusty.
我媽媽想來告解 My mother would like to give confession.
好的 Right.
我媽媽想讓我們所有人都告解 My mother would like all of us to give confession.
-不要 起開 去他的 -我才不干 -Nope. Sod off. Screw that. -Like hell I will.
什么 不要 Guess what? No.
原諒我 神父 因為這簡直是扯淡 Forgive me, Father, for this is bullshit.
唐 這對你那位客人來說是個不錯的表示 Don, it's a lovely gesture to make to your guest.
你情緒控制得怎么樣了 How's sobriety working for you?
糟透了 你也是知道的 媽的 Sucks a dick. You know that. Shit.
看到你又和唐尼在一起棒極了 It's wonderful to see you and Donny together again.
哦 是啊 我們倆今天早上"復婚"了 Oh, yeah. We got "remarried" this morning.
你開玩笑吧 You're kidding.
-你能保密嗎 -這可是告解 -Can you keep a secret? -It's confession.
我以為你反對宗教組織 I thought you were against organized religion.
過了這周末 我估計什么樣的幫助都會需要 Well, after this weekend, I may need all the help I can get.
說吧 孩子 Go on, my son.
如果你欺騙你愛的人的唯一原因 Is it wrong to lie to someone you love
是這樣就可以維護他們的幸福 對還是不對呢 if the only reason that you're deceiving them is to protect their happiness?
這個嘛 得看情況 Well, that depends.
在進行你的欺騙的時候你是否有打擾了別人的生活 Are you disrupting the lives of anyone else by enacting your deception?
在八年的愛和陪伴之后 一枚戒指又能代表什么呢 What's a ring gonna prove after eight years of love and companionship?
我是說 她是我女兒 她還想讓我怎么樣 I mean, she's my girl. What else does she want from me?
奧斯卡·王爾德曾經說過 Oscar Wilde once said that marriage
婚姻是臆想對理智的勝利 is a triumph of imagination over intelligence.
還奧斯卡·王爾德呢 Oscar·Wilde
奧斯卡·王爾德當時還和祭壇男孩調情呢 Oscar Wilde used to make whoopsie with altar boys.
還真是這樣 無視我剛才說的吧 That's true. Forget what I just said.
這地方 我想念啊 This place, I miss it.
-嗯 -這里就像 -Mmm. -It's like...
這里就像家 It's like home.
即使唐也是 就連他也給我家的感覺 Even he's like home. Even Don is like home to me.
感覺多奇怪啊 It's so strange.
這種感覺讓你恐懼嗎 Does that frighten you?
我是說 很明顯 我生活的那部分已經覆水難收了 Well, I mean, obviously, that part of my life is over,
而且我的確認為那是件好事 and I do think that that's a good thing.
有不同種的愛 Well, there's different kinds of love.
-有嗎 -有啊 -There are? -Yeah.
僅僅因為你離婚了 You know, just because you're divorced
并不意味你必須恨他 doesn't mean you're legally required to hate him.
誒 你也沒有唐說得那么蠢嘛 You know, you're not as dumb as Don says you are.
謝謝謝 Thank you.
我不呆這兒了 I'm outta here.
-跟你聊天很高興 -扯淡 -Nice chatting with you. -Bullshit.
我是格里芬 50號桌 Griffin, table for 50.
呃 其實 奧康納一家要求 Uh, actually, the O'Connors requested
在玫瑰露臺的一張比較隱秘的桌子 a private table on the Rose Terrace.
在室外 Outside?
不是要下雨了嗎 Isn't it supposed to rain?
他們知道的 是的 That was communicated to them, yes.
呃 跟我走 Uh, right this way.
巴瑞啊 這露天是怎么回事 Barry, what's with the alfresco?
-會把咱們都給淋成個落湯雞 -不 不會的 -It's gonna piss all over us. -No, it's fine.
我們只是覺得這樣更隱秘一些 We just thought it would be more private.
她堅持的 She insisted.
一想到誰都能看到我們跟一幫 一起用餐 The thought that anyone would see us eating with a bunch of,
媽你那個詞兒怎么說的來著 what was the expression you used, Mom?
呃 我是巴瑞·奧康納 能認識你非常非常榮幸 Uh, Barry O'Connor. It's very, very nice to meet you.
很高興認識你 這是我妻子瑪芬 Nice to meet you. This is my wife, Muffin.
能認識你我們很高興 We're delighted to make your acquaintance.
她說話怎么嘴唇沒動
當然還有我們的女兒米莉薩 And of course our daughter, Melissa.
嗨 Hi.
亞歷山德羅一直向我說起你
就是沒說您這么漂亮
媽媽 Mama?
沒事的 It's okay.
今夜結束前
我很希望能獲得您的祝福
不過不管您給不給
都要知道只要我還活著
我每一天都會愛他
她剛他媽的說了什么 What the fuck did she just say?
噓 拜托 Shh! Please.
沒聽懂她說的什么 I don't know what she's saying.
我祝福你 You have my blessing.
好極了 All right.
-來坐 -好 -Come sit. -Yeah.
深思熟慮 就該這樣 You know, contemplate, place to put it.
嘿 唐 碧碧哪兒去了 Hey, Don. Where's Bebe?
我們本該一起看看生菜沙拉的展示的 We were supposed to go over the crudites presentation together.
是啊 她姨媽剛去世 Yeah. Well, her aunt just passed,
所以她得回波基普西市去 so she had to go back to Poughkeepsie.
努麗雅 Nuria!
快把那玩意兒再穿上
我們什么都看到了
-但是她姨媽死了 -我是這么說的啊 -But her aunt's dead. -That's what I said.
我20歲了 我身材很好 而且我在度假
再說了 瞧那木偶臉的假木瓜
誰都知道我最厭惡無趣的晚餐了 God knows I hate a boring dinner.
大家冰水喝夠了沒 Everybody have enough ice water?
晚上好 歡迎來到微薄沃格鄉村俱樂部 Good evening, and welcome to Weeblewog Country Club.
我叫伊維特 My name is Yvette.
今晚我是你們的領班 And I will be your captain this evening.
碧碧 Bebe?
噢喔 Ow!
今晚我們的湯是龍蝦濃湯 Tonight our soup is a lobster bisque,
放了建議日攝入量兩倍的鈉 flavored with twice the recommended daily dose of sodium.
我們還有嫩牛腰肉排 We also have a filet mignon.
非有機 放滿了藍奶酪 酸奶油 Not organic, stuffed with blue cheese, sour cream,
培根 還有一個心臟除顫器 bacon, and a defibrillator.
我要點嫩牛腰肉排 I'll have the filet mignon.
我可不這么覺得 Don't think so.
抱歉 小姐 Excuse me, miss.
我們的客人確實不怎么習慣美國食物 Our guests really aren't used to American food.
你覺得克勞德大廚 Do you think that Chef Claude
能搞出些玉米餅什么的嗎 could whip up some chimichangi thingy?
不 別說了 No. Stop it.
怎么 我沒說對 What, I didn't say it right?
不 你該說沒錯 No, you said it fine.
說沒錯就是了 Just fine.
你還好吧 Are you okay?
耍耍他而已 Just fucking with him.
好 Fine.
媽媽 Mama.
怎么了 What's the rumpus?
她在問為什么婚禮 Oh, um, she was wondering why the wedding
在咱家舉行 is being held at our house,
而不是在奧康納的家里 and not at the O'Connors'.
嗯 Um...
我們家在重新收拾 Well, we thought we'd shake it up a little.
而且 我們的房子 Uh, besides, our house...
要被拍賣了 Is in foreclosure?
-好了 夠 -沒錯 -Okay, that's... -That's right.
他是在以貧困為借口 He has to plead poverty
因為證券欺詐 他正接受調查呢 because he's being investigated for stock fraud.
這叉子真漂亮 Spectacular fork.
這事沒那么簡單 It's more complicated than that, I think.
但我們還是有錢的 But we still have money. We do.
-真的 只是 -好吧 -Really. It's just... -Okay.
暫時存在海外 It's overseas for the time being.
夠了 That's enough!
我去看看湯好了沒 I'm gonna check on the soup.
我想說的是 你們家是我見過 I wanted to tell you that your house is the most
最漂亮的地方了 amazing place that I have ever seen.
你們自己建的 是嗎 You built it yourselves, yes?
沒錯 We did, actually.
和她說說吧 Tell her the story.
是啊 確實很浪漫 Yeah, it's really romantic.
沒錯 很有情調 It is. It is romantic.
沒事 和她說說吧 It's fine. Tell her. Tell the story.
那時 我和唐還不是住在一起 Don and I, we were living in the city separately.
她不愿意和我同居 She wouldn't shack up with me
因為咱倆還沒結婚 because we weren't in matrimony.
那時唐的新作品 So Don's latest exhibition
大受歡迎 全賣光了 had sold out completely.
連續三次 Third in a row.
大展宏圖 洋洋得意起來 一直這樣 It did well. Awash in humility. As always.
她就喜歡我這一點 One of the many things she loves about me.
唐尼真本色 是的 That's our Donny. Yes.
直接說結尾吧[Happy ending有性交的意思] Can we please just skip to the happy ending?
我和唐 So Don and I,
我們決定去鄉下玩玩 we decided we'd take a drive to the country,
然后來到這片曠野 記得嗎 and we came to this open field. Remember?
我們停車歇息 散散步 We parked there, we went for a walk.
那時景色特別迷人 And it was so wonderful.
適逢日落 It was sunset.
你還記得嗎 唐 真好 Do you remember that, Don? Sweet.
當我們經過那池塘的時候 And we came across this gorgeous pond.
夕陽西下時 他向我求婚了 And he proposed to me as the sun kind of went down.
我 星期六的時候溜過來察看地形 I was... I was sneaking out here on Saturday
那時她和她的閨蜜在一起 while she was spending time with her folks, and...
對 但我知道你想向我求婚 Yeah, but I knew what you were up to.
相信我 女人的直覺 Believe me, I knew what he was up to.
-真的 -我知道 -Oh, you? -I did.
你絕不可能知道 You didn't have a clue.
-你說什么呢 -你看起來根本不知道 -What are you talking about? -You were clueless.
他花了三個月時間 He spent three months
把周邊所有的鄉村都走遍了 searching the entire New England countryside
就為了找到最美的景色 for the most beautiful spot,
找到這兒后 他就把她騙過來了 and when he found it, he took her back there.
他求婚成功后 And then when he proposed...
他在 He planted...
他在求婚的地方種下了一顆橡子
然后就在這兒建了這座房子 And then they built a house over the years
建在這顆橡子樹的周圍 每當唐賣了 under the shade of the tree, and added on to it
一件雕塑 他都會在樹上標記 直到他們 every time Don sold another sculpture, until, well...
能找到這樣的伴侶真是您的幸運 You are very lucky to find a man like that.
是啊 當然 Oh, yes, of course.
是啊 我真是很幸運 I'm just... I'm terribly lucky.
謝謝 Thank you. Thank you.
伊維特 Uh, Yvette?
不好意思 離開一下 Will you please excuse me, just for...
賈里德 Jared!
我有話要和你說 May I please speak with you?
好啊 Yeah, sure.
這個 你得 你得等一下 You know what? I got... Give me, like, one sec.
我的腳抽筋了 I got, like, a terrible leg cramp.
努麗雅 親愛的 過來下 Uh-huh. Nuria, dear. Please. Yes.
我帶你去洗手間 Please. May I take you to the restroom,
去女洗手間 please, the ladies' room.
好好洗下你的手 Where we can wash your beautiful hands.
那么 Well,
為了這頓美好的晚餐 here's to a wonderful dinner.
以及這場 And a really
盛大的婚禮 neat wedding.
-好嗎 -確實 -Huh? Okay. -Indeed.
干杯 Cheers.
麥當娜 Madonna,
那湯味道如何 how is your bisque?
嗯 Huh?
真倒霉 Oh, for Pete's sake.
天哪 Oh, my God.
你得知道 男人就像南瓜一樣 So, the thing to remember is that men are like pumpkins,
好的早就被摘了 the good ones are either taken
要不然就是挖去 or they've had everything scraped
做南瓜燈了 out of their heads with a spoon.
淋了我一身 真是的 I'm melting! Oh, my God!
-我的臉 -怎么了 -My face! -What's happened?
你倆這是 What's happening in here?
我和努麗雅剛成了好朋友 Well, Nuria and I have become very close friends.
嗯 她在開導我 Yes. She was just explaining to me.
-真的 -嗯 -Really? -Mmm-hmm.
我也想被收養 Wish I had been adopted.
我們干脆私奔算了 Can we please just elope now?
這樣也許痛苦會少一些 Seems like the lesser of two evils at this point.
你也想 可我們剛錯過去拉斯維加斯的路 Really? Because I'm pretty sure Vegas is just back that way.
要是私奔了 咱倆就死定了 I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't survive the trip.
-你家里人到底是咋了 -為什么 -What the hell is going on with your family? -Why?
嗯 Oh.
好想吃煎牛排啊 My kingdom, my kingdom, my kingdom for a steakhouse.
真是場糟糕的雨 What a bust that was.
你在傻笑什么 What are you grinning at?
女人的小秘密 Oh, it's just women's lib.
知道嗎 我有點冷 You know something, I'm cold.
你確定把暖氣開了嗎 Are you sure that heat's all the way up?
嗯 回去洗個桑拿就好了 Well, yeah. We'll take a steam when we get back to the house.
等等 你的客房里有桑拿室 Wait a minute, you have a steam in the guest room?
沒 主臥房間里有 Nope. The master bedroom.
隨你怎么說 Whatever you say.
未收到信息 You have no new messages in your mailbox.
真荒唐 好像我不復存在一樣 Ridiculous. It's like I ceased to exist.
怎么了 萊拉 What's that, Lyla?
他沒發短信 沒打電話 什么都沒 No texts, no calls. Nothing.
男人啊 Hombres.
我懂的 對吧 I know, right?
我無意冒犯 不過 萊拉 No offense, Lyla, but honestly.
是你選擇離開他的 Really, you did leave him.
對 但是他也不能這么輕易放棄啊 Yeah, he doesn't have to make it so easy for me.
你覺得他會出現在婚禮上嗎 You think he'll show up at the wedding?
他來了 我會讓他死得遠遠的 He does, I'll tell him to fuck the fuck off.
-注意言辭 -萊拉 -Language. -Oh, Lyla.
他對我說了狠話 He said terrible things to me.
-打他鼻子了沒 -當然沒 -Punch him in the nose? -Of course not.
多不淑女啊 Because that would be unladylike.
你看著我干嘛 What are you looking at me for?
你想他了 You miss him.
有點 A little.
那就是了 聽著 給他打個電話吧 That's what I thought. Look, just give him a call.
不打 I can't.
去我房間吧 So, I was thinking we could maybe go to my room,
聽聽音樂 或者 listen to some music, or you know...
干啥都行 Whatever.
不用了 謝謝 No, thank you.
但你可以給我念詩 But you may read me some poetry, if you wish.
念詩 Poetry?
是的 Yes.
你說真的 Are you serious?
沒錯 你母親說的很有道理 Yes. Your mother was very informative.
我應該得到尊重 I deserve to be treated with respect.
誰不是呢 Don't we all.
大聲點 Say it louder.
-我是蠢蛋 -什么 -I'm an idiot. -A what?
我是超級大蠢蛋 我的智商沒有底線 I'm a galactic idiot. My idiocracy knows no bounds.
你對一個以后不會再見的牧師都不肯說謊 You won't tell a tiny white lie to a priest that you'll never see again,
可婚禮上你就敢作假 but make a complete farce of our wedding?
-我錯了 -這難道沒問題 -I know. -That's no problem?
我知道 I know.
我對不起碧碧 I feel so bad for Bebe.
她和我媽媽計劃這場婚禮花了那么長時間 You know how many months she and my mom have been planning this.
我知道 我是個蠢蛋 I know. I know. I'm an idiot.
我和莫尼漢神父談過 I did talk with Father Moinighan, though.
真的 For reals?
我保證 我們的 I promised that little
小馬太 小馬克 小路克 和小約翰他們 Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
會在洗禮下長大的 would grow up ravenous for the sweet baby Jesus.
你保證 Did you?
至少我希望是這樣的 May have had crossies when I said it.
謝謝 Thank you.
你真的很愛我 You really truly love me.
是的 I do.
我看得出 Yeah, you do.
你會擺平這場婚禮吧 And you'll fix all the other stuff?
回報是什么 What's it worth to you?
嗯 Huh?
你覺得呢 You honestly think...
我要保守貞潔 留到婚禮 It's too bad I'm saving myself for marriage.
明天見 I'll see you tomorrow.
我明天很忙 I'm busy tomorrow.
我什么都沒聽見 All I hear is, "Blah, blah, blah."
打個電話給她吧 So, you know, call her again.
我打了 可是她不接 I tried, but she had the front desk lock me out.
你說說為啥錯在我 Tell me again how this is my fault.
唐 Don.
一年以后 這些孩子們 in a year. Many of these children...
你從哪兒找到的片子 Now, where'd you dig that up?
真不敢相信 他那時那么點大 Oh, my God, I can't believe how tiny he was.
是啊 Yeah.
我有時候在想 Sometimes I wonder
我們是否做錯了 if we did the right thing.
愛麗 兩個人在一起很容易干傻事 Ellie, for two people who did a lot of things wrong,
但撫養愛爾不是錯誤 adopting AI wasn't one of them.
沒錯 他是我們中最善良的 Yeah, he's the kindest of us all.
沒錯 Yeah.
我們也沒做過多少傻事 對吧 We didn't do that many things that were wrong, did we?
至少大家現在都很好 Everybody's happy now.
-可 -對吧 -Well... -Right?
沒錯 Yeah, right.
孩子們都很好 你還曾經高潮過9個小時 Kids are great. You're having nine-hour orgasms.
別 Uh...
不 不 差不多吧 No, no, no, just... Yeah, well, give or take.
-我很想知道 -我也很驚訝 -I'm intrigued. -Yeah, I'm stunned.
-來一發吧 -想得美 -Prove it. -You wish.
-就當重溫過去嘛 -天哪 -For old time's sake. -Oh, my God. Okay.
外面沒人了 我還是出去睡 You know what, I think the coast must be clear by now.
哦 Ooh.
很高興見到你 愛麗 Good to see you, Ell.
這句話說過了 I think you said that already.
-搞什么 -天哪 -What the hell? -Oh!
-哦 -你在干嘛 -Ow! -What are you doing?
別說話 會吵醒麥當娜 Shoot. You're gonna wake Madonna, for God's sake.
噓 Shh.
哦 Ow!
我一直在朗誦十四行詩 I have been reading sonnets. Out loud.
很有情調啊 Well, that's very romantic.
真適合你 親愛的 怎么了 So romantic for you, dear. What?
我29歲了 我現在終于能 I am 29 years old, and I've finally, I mean, I...
什么 What?
不敢相信 是我老媽阻止了我第一次的性福 I can't believe I'm getting cock-blocked by my own mother.
我只是對她說 女人應該 I merely told her that there are certain things
對男人有所期望 that women should expect from a man
而不只是和他們上床 懂嗎 before she just jumps into bed with him. All right?
我也懂 不過這樣是不是太苛刻了 Yeah, I know. Don't you think it's kind of hard to...
什么 What?
從她回哥倫比亞起 Send her flowers every day for a year
每天送一束花 送一年 when she goes back to Colombia on Monday.
愛莫能助 C'est la guerre.
哦 Oh...
真不好意思 So sorry.
天 說來說去 還是說晚安了 Oh, my goodness. Well, anyway, good night, sweetheart.
祝你好夢 Sweet dreams, of course.
-好的 -好 -Yeah. -Okay.
你真倒霉 晚安 You suck. Buenas noches.
晚安 Buenas noches.
哦 Oh!
晚安 Noches.
再晚安 Noches again.
哦 回心轉意了 Oh! Back so soon?
沒錯 一夜春宵值千金呢 Oh, yeah. The temptation was more than I could stand.
沒錯 Oh, yeah.
這才對嘛 Now you're talking.
-嗯 -溫柔點哦 -Uh... -Be gentle.
或許不用 Or don't.
晚安 Good night.
-晚安 你說的 -沒錯 -Good night? Says you. -Yup.
你不會真以為我們 Oh, please. Come on, you didn't really think
能一直這樣過下去 對吧 that we'd go through with this, did you?
想想又不會出事 No one ever died from dabbling.
我是說我們的婚姻 Uh-huh. Just our marriage.
-那倒是不會 -嗯 -Fair point. -Yeah.
但是 我不能忍受一直被冷漠忽視 But, you know, I couldn't stand being ignored.
我冷落你了 I ignored you?
誰都看得出來 You didn't need a soothsayer to know
你和我在一起很不安 that you were terrified of being alone with me.
很抱歉 唐 真的很抱歉 I'm sorry, Don. Really, I am.
你知道 自從孩子們走后 Just, you know, with the children gone,
我覺得我們都不再有什么共同話題了 I guess I didn't think we had much in common anymore.
是啊 所以為避免出現問題 我們又領養了一個男孩 Yeah, so we picked up another kid to avoid the issue.
你要知道 我曾試過努力 真的 You know, I tried to stick it out. I really did.
唐 我知道 I know you did, Don.
還想要浪費時間嗎 Wanna fool around?
哦 Oh!
你是要和碧碧結婚的 You need to marry Bebe.
你什么都知道了 And that's nothing you don't already know.
你呢 有沒有碰到看上眼的 And what about you? Anybody special since...
我 Me?
當然有了 Yeah, of course.
我身邊有的是男人 There have been guys here and there.
對啊 我覺得也沒什么值得大書特書了 Yeah. And I guess nothing I'd write home about,
一點都沒有 nothing special.
好吧 我確實有出于禮貌 Well, I did date this local cop
和一個地方警察有過約會 when I lived over on Courtesy.
他人很好 He was really quite nice.
在紐約的時候 我遇見一個證券經紀人 And then in New York City I met this stock broker
第三次約會的時候 他就向我求婚了 who actually proposed to me on the third date.
你要知道 那本應該是我第一次被求婚 You know, that should have been my first clue. God.
但是后來 But then...
再往左邊用力 往左 哦 A little more left. Left. Oh!
哦 太爽了 Oh, yeah!
-用力 就是那里 -頂到了嗎 -In there! That's right! -Right there?
你怎么了 What happened to you?
現在幾點了 What time is it?
剛過8點 你不是戒煙了嗎 A little after 8:00. I thought you quit?
我戒過的東西多著呢 8點了是嗎 Thought I quit a lot of things. 8:00?
所以我們一共進行了 So that would make it, hey...
四十分鐘啊 對于久未經沙場的人來說不簡單了 Forty minutes. Not bad for starters.
你的意思是你們 Was that what that...
不會吧 哦 告訴我你沒有 You didn't. Oh, tell me you didn't.
你和媽媽做了四十分鐘 你們太 你真卑鄙 You and Mom for 40, that's... You scumbags.
真惡心 怎么回事 Gross. What?
-碧碧怎么辦 -我知道 -What about Bebe? -I know.
娘的 你有毛病啊 God, what is wrong with you?
向前走 小鴨子們 Forward, ducklings.
不管他們喜不喜歡 都要滿足他們的需求 We are gonna cater the shit out of this thing whether they like it or not.
我知道你無法理解我 但既然來了 I know you can't understand me, but now that you're here,
我想告訴你 你的存在一直威脅著我 I want you to know that I've always been intimidated by you.
即使是這樣 我也從未想過要取代你在他心中的位置 Even so, I never tried to take your place with him,
我還經常鼓勵他給你打電話 去看你 but I always encouraged the phone calls, and the visits.
見到你之后 And meeting you, oh, my God,
我才知道他的那么多優點繼承于你 I see where so much of what's good in him comes from.
而我只是 我只是想 And I just, I'm just so...
你能來這兒 我感到很高興 I'm just so happy you're here.
呃 你 呃 你能明白我的意思嗎 Uh, do you... Uh, oh, um, do you understand me?
我覺得我能理解你 不用道歉了
我多么想像那樣來一次性高潮
你竟然不覺得痛 實在讓人驚異
你最近忙什么作品嗎 You working on anything lately?
我已經一年多沒動鑿子了 Haven't touched a chisel in years.
哇 真可惜 單是你手指的天賦 Wow, shame. You have more talent
就比我全身的天賦還要多 in your little finger than I have in my whole body.
我現在已經長大了 唐 I'm a big girl now, Don.
不用再夸我了 You don't have to say that anymore.
可這都是真話 It happens to be true.
要醒酒液嗎 Hair of the dog?
不用 No.
你確定你今天又要讓酒癮復發嗎 You sure today's the day you want to fall off the wagon?
看運氣吧 Coin flip at this point.
把沉砂盤遞給我 Pass the riffler.
我很奇怪 How is it
你這么一個人渣 that you can make something so beautiful
竟然能做出這么美妙的藝術品 and yet be such a complete douchebag?
我是一個多面獸 I'm a complicated serpent.
管她說得啥意思呢 Or whatever the hell she said.
這就是男人的本性 So is this what happens with men?
夫妻關系中出現一絲不合 Just a grain of strife in the relationship
就突然和前任纏在一起嗎 and suddenly you're knee-deep in your ex?
爺爺 Grandpa?
爺爺嗎 Grandpa?
親愛的 我現在已經處于人生的暮年 Sweetie, I may be on the back nine of life,
但我只花了這最后的40分鐘 but I just spent the last 40 minutes
就完成了比我20年還多的工作量 laying more pipe than I have in 20 years.
我并沒說不讓你喝酒 I didn't say no to the scotch
因為我不想你喝酒 'cause I didn't want the drink.
等一下 So wait a second.
你要 You're...
安德魯不知情 Andrew doesn't know.
我這種人 I'm not one of those women who thinks
不會因為子宮功能正常了 I deserve to have a child
就覺得應該要個小孩 just because my uterus suddenly decides to work.
他要么愛我 要么不愛我 He either loves me or he doesn't.
我該抱你一下 但是 I'd hug you, but...
上次.. After last time...
我想嘗嘗這個 I'll just try one of these.
-太好吃了 -謝謝 -Delicious. -Good.
很高興你能喜歡 格里芬先生 Happy you're pleased, Mr. Griffin.
都是按照你的要求做的 You are paying for it.
嗯嗯 我還想再拿一些 Mmm-hmm. Well, you know, I think I'll have a few more.
不行 No.
不能再拿了 I don't think so.
若我想跟你說話 You know, if I were talking to you,
我會問剛剛都發生了什么 I would ask you what happened over there.
-和萊拉嗎 -對啊 -With Lyla? -Yeah.
-你看見我們了 -是的 -Did you see us? -I did.
你覺得呢 How about that?
原來不是所有人都討厭你 It must be very comforting to know that
你很欣慰吧 not everybody hates you.
多少減輕了些負擔 Eases the burden somewhat.
聽我說 有些事情我需要 Listen. There's something I need...
不行 我不跟你說話 No. I'm not talking to you.
她是不是有心事啊 Is she upset about something?
沒錯 Yeah, she is.
我不知道該怎么做 I'm not sure what to do about it.
你愛她 對嗎 Well, you love her, don't you?
愛她勝于一切 More than anything.
那好 Well, then,
那就盡全力讓她再開心起來 you do whatever it takes to make her happy again.
什么事 Si?
-我能進來嗎 -呃 可以 -Can I come in? -Uh, okay.
哦 天啊 Oh, geez.
你能幫我個忙嗎 Can you help me, please?
哦 天哪 這太不公平了 Oh, my God, this is so not fair.
好吧 All right.
抱歉 Sorry.
聽著 我 Listen, I...
先別說 過來 中途打斷表演是很不禮貌的行為 No, it's, come here, impolite to interrupt a performance.
表演 A performance?
第一個節目 Item one.
小夜曲彈奏 Serenade her.
沒有很多詞語和努麗雅押韻 There's not a lot of words that rhyme with Nuria
但我真的很想 But I really want to
讓你安心 Reassure ya
我會努力不讓 That I will try not to be
事情發生的過早啊 Premature-ia
我 I...
聽著 想跟我做愛 沒門啊 Look, I decided that I will not make love with you.
好吧 呃 Okay. Um...
我不同意 這就是理由 I disagree. Here's why.
你看 你列出來的事項 我都做到了 Look. I did everything on your list.
把早餐送到床邊 Breakfast in bed.
而且我還列出了 And I even did a list of the top 10
我們關系中十個絕妙瞬間 greatest moments in our relationship.
"第一次看到你" "The first moment I saw you."
"第一次看到你裸體" "The first moment I saw you naked."
這個 很甜蜜 That's... It's very sweet.
但是 But
我們是兄妹啊 we are brother and sister.
沒錯 但只有一點關系而已 Yeah, but only a little bit.
我知道你等候愛情已經等了很長時間 Look, you have waited a long time for love.
但若我占有了你的愛 我會無法原諒自己 And I could not forgive myself if I took that away from you.
是的 你說得沒錯 No, you're right.
不過那首歌很棒 The song is nice, though.
呃 這個是 為你準備了一年的每日一枝花 Um, this... Flowers every day, for a year.
我們必須告訴她 We have to tell her.
我不太同意你的意見 I'm not sure I agree.
至少得邀請她來參加我們的婚禮吧 Well, we at least have to invite her to our wedding.
你說什么 I'm... I'm sorry?
開玩笑的 開個玩笑啦 I'm kidding you. I'm kidding you. I'm kidding.
-嚇死我了 -是啊 -Thank Christ. -Yeah.
這主意也不是不好 只是 I mean, not that it would be a bad idea, but...
是的 但是沒關系 我們彼此支持著 Yeah. No, it's okay. We're behind each other.
最終 Finally.
我們還是一家人 We're still family.
還是一家人 Still family.
到底怎么回事 So, what's going on?
呃 哦 Um, oh...
先說重要的 謝謝 First things first. Thank you.
不用 No.
寶貝兒子 你父親和我想送你一樣東西 Well, honey, your father and I wanted to give you something.
-一起送 -很瘋狂吧 -Together? -Crazy, right?
我們很為你而自豪 We're so proud of you.
我們真的很為你已長大成人而驕傲 We really are proud of you, of the man you've become,
為你找到了心愛的女人驕傲 and of the woman that you love,
為你將擁有的美好生活而驕傲 所以 of the wonderful life that you have ahead of you, and so...
我們愛你 孩子 We love you, bud.
呃 你們是按照那棵樹雕的 You, um... You carved this from the tree?
你母親的主意 Your mother's idea.
實際上并不是我的主意 你爸的謙虛 讓我無話可說 No, actually it wasn't my idea, but I'm speechless at the modesty.
哦 哇 Oh, wow.
這一個不行的話 我還有 I saved a few just in case the first didn't take.
我不知道該說什么了 I don't know what to say.
不送我一處房產嗎 最好是海濱的 Does this come with a piece of land? Waterfront, if possible.
源自愛麗絲夢游仙境 磕三下腳后跟 就能實現夢想
好啊 你就磕三下鞋后跟試試 Sure, just click your heels three times.
你馬上就是大男人了 孩子 See you on the flip side, kid.
我愛你們 I love you guys.
謝謝你們 Thank you.
太完美了 It's perfect.
哦 天啊 看看你 Oh, my gosh, look at you!
你來了 You're here.
當然了 我還能去哪兒啊 Of course I'm here. Where would I be?
你太英俊了 You look gorgeous.
除了這個沒戴好 Except this.
我來給你戴上 好了 Well. Let me put that, here you go.
這讓我想起了畢業舞會慘痛的回憶 Which reminds me of the prom fiasco.
還記得初中畢業舞會嗎 You remember the junior prom?
胸針扎破了皮膚 弄得白燕尾服上全是血嗎 White tux and blood everywhere from the pin?
好了 太完美了 There you go. Perfect.
謝謝 Thank you.
嘿 我們是一家人 至少大多數時候都是 Hey. We're family. At least most of the time.
一直都是 媽媽 All the time. Mom.
快看 快看啊 Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
嘿 Hey.
我知道 我們剛剛在說 I know, we were just talking...
嗨 碧碧 Hi, Bebe.
好了 格里芬夫人 我正要走呢 Right, Mrs. Griffin. I was just leaving.
不 不 沒事 沒關系 No, no, that's okay. No, it's all right.
等一下 媽媽 Wait a second. Mom?
-怎么了 -什么事 -Yes? -Si?
呃 Uh...
你好 Hello.
對我來說 她是個非常特別的人
實際上 當我們走上圣壇的時候
我想讓她和我們走在一起
呃 碧碧 Um, Bebe?
你知道咱的男朋友在哪兒嗎 Have you by any chance seen our boyfriend?
-不知道 早上就沒再見他 我 -胡說 -No, not since this morning. My... -Oh, fudge.
-這 如果這不是 -哦 不要吧 -Well. If it isn't... -Oh, no.
呃 一 二 三 和開大會一樣 Uh, one, two, three. It's like a convention.
唐納德·羅伯特·格里芬 看看你都做了些什么 Donald Robert Griffin, what have you done?
天啊 看他醉醺醺的樣子 Oh, my God. He's plastered!
-很抱歉 親愛的 我 -不 不要 -I'm sorry, sweetheart, I... -No, no.
-我 你知道 我們 -哦 天哪 -I, you know, we... -Oh, my gosh.
上一刻 我倆還在睡覺 One minute we were sleeping...
怎么可以 How...
接下來就啪啪 啪啪 啪啪啪 The next minute, boom, boom, chi-boom, boom, chicka boom...
你說什么 Excuse me?
我們一同進了臥室 We came into the bedroom.
然后你們會做什么呢 And what are you gonna do?
在臥室里就只能上床 You do what you do in the bedroom.
唐 Don!
你們倆 The two...
很抱歉 碧碧 I'm sorry, Bebe.
哇 你真的很會冷血復仇啊 是不是 Wow, you really know how to serve your revenge cold, don't you?
親愛的 別這樣 Come on, honey.
-好的 我原諒你了 -真的嗎 -All right, I forgive you. -You do?
當然了 Well, I mean, of course.
否則我就是偽君子 對吧 Otherwise I'm a hypocrite, right?
所以 我原諒你了 So, all right, I forgive you.
我也感到抱歉 I'm sorry, too.
順便說一下 足足四十分鐘 Forty minutes, by the way.
啊 哇 Aah! Whoa!
嘿 等等 Hey. Hey, wait.
當然了 你很漂亮 Of course. You look amazing.
謝謝 Thank you.
你肯定不會 There's no chance that you've...
不 不是的 No. No.
改變主意吧 嗯 肯定不會 Changed your mind? Yeah, I didn't think so.
-抱歉 -沒關系 -Sorry. -That's okay.
人不得不佩服 一報還一報啊 Well, you have to admire the symmetry of it.
嘿 唐納德 請坐 Hey, Donald, sit down.
不過 我覺得真要頑固起來的話 Although, I guess if we were really being sticklers,
你就得去跟瑪芬啪啪啪了吧 you'd have to put your dick in Muffin.
什么 What?
我說話很粗俗 I dig the vulgarity,
但為何我要跟瑪芬·奧康納啪啪啪呢 but why would I ever want to bang Muffin O'Connor?
我不過是說 一報真的還一報 Well, I'm just saying, if you want to go for true symmetry.
你在說什么呢 What are you talking about?
愛麗諾 Eleanor?
呃 Uh...
誰還能再給我來一拳嗎 Would somebody just please punch me in the face again?
因為我不知道 我們現在在談論什么話題 Because I don't know... What are we talking about?
是她先對你不忠 She cheated on you first.
-什么 -哦 -What? -Oh...
我 I...
等等 等一下 What. Wait. Well, wait a second.
就是 就像是 Well, there was... It was like a...
是誤會 親愛的 Mistake. Honey...
等等 等等 等等 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
如果所謂扯平的意思是我去上瑪芬 If making it even means that I'm supposed to boink Muffin,
也就意味著你上了 that would mean that you boinked...
巴瑞 Barry.
-什么 -你說什么 -What? -What?
-為什么 -你們什么意思啊 -Why? -What do you mean, why?
吵什么呢 What's the rumpus?
等等 等下 你今天和米西的父親睡了 Wait, wait, wait. You slept with Missy's father today?
不 不是 不是今天 No, no, no. Not today.
好幾年前了 那時候我們還沒離婚 It was years ago, when we were married.
他肯定給你讀了不少詩吧 He must have read you a ton of poetry, huh?
你怎么能那樣做呢 How could you?
我那時真的很不開心 I was really very unhappy at that time.
-那我呢 -好吧 我根本 -What about me? -Well, I don't really
-不在乎你 -我就知道 -care about you. -I know you don't!
聽著 我不知道該怎么說了 Listen, I don't know what to say.
那完全是一場意外 It was practically an accident.
而且我從未和任何人說過 誰都沒說過 And I never told anyone. Never. Not one person.
當然 除了我最好的朋友 Except, of course, my very best friend.
那是很久以前的事了 舊事了 It was a long time ago. it was.
而現在你們都要參加婚禮 And now you all have a wedding to go to.
我要打電話給搬家公司了 I'm gonna call the movers.
不 等等 別走 No. Wait, no.
我現在鄭重聲明 Just for the record,
不管發生過什么事 我絕不會 whatever happens, no way am I ever
和瑪芬·奧康納發生關系 bumping uglies with Muffin O'Connor.
你說什么 I beg your pardon?
你剛才說什么 What the hell did you just say?
你和我老婆上床 Just because you porked my wife
并不意味著我要還你一個人情吧 doesn't mean I have to return the favor.
你說什么 Excuse me?
我受夠了 All right, that's it.
-哦 天啊 -你想干什么 -Oh, God. -What are you doing?
順便說一句 你今天真漂亮 You look amazing, by the way.
等下 好吧 Please. Okay.
聽著 我 巴瑞 不是我 Look, I... Barry, Barry, it wasn't me.
我是和你做了 可我沒有 Okay, so I did the thing with you. I mean, I didn't do that.
我 隨你怎么說 I did the... Whatever you do.
我很抱歉 那是個誤會 I'm sorry about it. It was a mistake.
該死 真他媽該死 Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck me.
他要去哪 Where is he going?
我猜是要出國 Overseas, I imagine.
原來是你 So you're the one.
瑪芬 我很抱歉 And I'm so sorry, Muffin.
你得明白 You have to understand
根本沒別的意思 that it didn't mean one single thing.
我覺得被利用了 I feel so used.
別擔心 Don't even worry about it.
巴瑞和我達成了協議 Barry and I have an understanding.
我偶爾會找點新鮮感 而他也不能對我的戀人說三道四 I occasionally look the other way, and he doesn't harp on my fetishes.
什么戀人 What fetishes?
比如說你的夫人 Your wife, for example.
哪個夫人 Which one?
她們都很誘人 They're both equally delicious.
哦 Oh.
好戲開始了 哇哦 真沒想到有這么一出 And that's the ballgame. Wow. I did not see that one coming.
-嗨 -嗨 -Hi. -Hi.
你們出來看看吧 Yeah. You guys might want to step out here.
好主意 Good idea.
哦 Oh.
嗯 Hmm.
-天啊 太尷尬了 -是啊 -Oh, God. This is humiliating. -Mmm-hmm.
-什么 -我們怎么辦 -What? -What do we do?
-關于哪件事 -碧碧 你明知故問 -About which one? -You know, Bebe.
沒她你就活不了 是嗎 嗯 Can't live without her, right? Right?
好吧 你得想明白你該怎么做 Okay. So, you've gotta think about what you're gonna do.
好 Right.
-孩子們呢 -不知道啊 -Where are the children? -I don't know.
覺得太丟人 找地方躲起來了吧 Dying of embarrassment somewhere?
你說他們會不會取消婚禮 You think they might call it off?
天啊 瑪芬 別瞎想了 Oh, man, Muffin, get over it.
沒事 不會有事的 Okay. It's okay.
祝你孫輩性別不明 還都是雙性戀 You're gonna have beige grandkids that are bilingual.
走著瞧 We'll see about that, won't we?
走著瞧就走著瞧 Oh, we will see about that. Yes, we will.
你沒事吧 Sure you're okay with this?
開什么玩笑 You kidding me?
趁沒人看見 趕緊結束這個儀式 Just get this over with before anybody sees us.
-神父 -準備好了嗎 -Father? -Everybody ready?
我們用精典薈萃版本就行 Just give us the Cliff Notes version.
對不起 不過我 I'm sorry, but I have...
拜托了 趕快弄完吧 Oh, come on, please, before anything else happens.
好滴 Okey dokey.
梅麗莎 你 Melissa, do you take...
是的 我愿意 Yes, I do.
亞歷山德羅·索托·格里芬 你是否愿意 Do you, Alejandro Soto Griffin...
我愿意 Yes.
我愿意 I do.
各位 On your marks...
我要說件事 Get set...
我懷孕了 I'm pregnant.
沒想到吧 Surprise.
哦 Oh!
哦 看啊 萊拉 Oh, look! Lyla!
天啊 他們從碼頭上私奔了 Oh, God, they're eloping on the dock!
不 不要啊 No, no! No!
-停 別這么做 -天啊 -Stop! Don't do it! -Holy mother.
-哦 -亞歷山德羅 -Oh! -Alejandro...
你把戒指 對 You put the ring... Yeah.
戴在她手上 你也給他戴上戒指 The ring on her finger. You put the ring on his finger.
-不 別 停下來 -然后 然后 然后 -No, no! Don't! -Blah, blah, blah.
我現在宣布你們正式結為夫妻 I now pronounce you husband and wife.
-你可以 -拜托了 停下 -You may... -Please. Stop!
-親吻新娘了 -不 -kiss the bride. -No!
-我們現在可以私奔了嗎 -當然 -Now can we elope? -Definitely.
-冷靜 瑪芬 -你怎么能這樣 -Now, now, Muffin. -How could you do this to me?
她不會游泳 She can't swim.
真的 Really?
嘿 Hey.
聽著 以后可能再也不會見面了 所以 Look, I know we might never see each other again, so,
我覺得應該為我們之間 I thought maybe we'd toast to
美好的友誼而干杯 what was almost a beautiful friendship.
嗯 Hmm.
不 知道嗎 No, you know,
是你媽媽告訴我 your mother was the one that told me that
美國女性在性問題上更保守 American women are more reserved when it comes to their sexuality.
當然 她自己是個例外 Except for her, of course.
我大概不會 I think I will not...
再聽她的了 take her advice anymore.
哥倫比亞的男人會很激動的 The men of Colombia will be thrilled.
什么 What?
關上門 Close the door.
哦 Oh.
碧碧 碧碧 嘿 碧碧 Bebe! Bebe! Bebe!
是他們嗎 Is that them?
是啊 真是完美的一對兒 Yeah. They're gonna be spectacular together.
他們比我們聰明 是吧 They're smarter than we are, huh?
不比咱們聰明也難啊 我想什么呢 It's hard not to be. I mean, what was I thinking?
真是個白癡 我到底想什么呢 What an idiot. I mean, what is wrong with me?
不 不是你的錯 No, there's nothing wrong with you.
真的不是 碧碧 At all, Bebe.
你知道我怎么想的嗎 In fact, you know what I've come to believe?
我覺得你是我們之中最清醒的人 I believe you're the sanest one of all of us.
-才不是 -真的是 -Oh, no. -Yes.
你沒必要這么說 簡直是瘋了 You don't have to say that. That's crazy.
這話一點不假 That doesn't make it any less true.
一直以來 你都比我漂亮 You've always been more beautiful.
愛麗 而且 我想這真的就是 Ellie. And, I mean, I think actually that's
我覺得唐吸引我的 probably one of the reasons
原因之一 that I found Don so attractive.
不是吧 從我第一次介紹你們倆 Come on. You were in love with Don Griffin
在瑰珀翠夏日派對上認識的時候 from the first time I introduced you
你就愛上他了 at the Crabtree summer party.
有那么明顯嗎 Was it that obvious?
我看很明顯啊 Yeah, to me.
那你為什么不開車碾死我 Well, then why didn't you hit me with your car or something?
拜托 你那時候是我最好的朋友 Come on, you were my best friend.
希望現在仍然是好朋友 Still are, I hope.
哦 碧碧 這不關他的事 Oh, Bebe. It wasn't him.
好吧 他確實跟我調情來著 Oh, yeah, okay, so he was flirting,
不過是我先出擊的 but I made the first move.
-為什么 -因為 -Why? -Because...
我想比他強勢 I wanted to make sure I was over him.
你知道嗎 我發現 And you know what? it turns out
很長一段時間以來 我一直都比他強 I've been over him for such a long time.
還有些事 我想讓你知道 I want you to know something else.
我很高興 I've always been happy
他愛上的人是你 that it was you he turned to.
我說了我已經原諒你了 I told you I forgive you.
那也請你原諒他吧 Then forgive him, too.
好爽啊 Oh, my God!
爽死了 Oh, my God.
再來一次 Again.
沒問題 Oh, hell yeah.
啊 Ah!
-打擾一下 -沒事 謝謝你 -Excuse me... -No, thank you.
至少沒人會忘記了 At least no one will ever forget it.
我是個孤兒 I'm an orphan.
不 不至于 No, no. It's not that bad.
我媽媽是女同 而我爸和你媽睡過 My mother's a lesbian, and my father has had his penis in your mom.
啊 想著就惡心 Ugh! That's a picture.
要是能讓你好受點的話 我告訴你 If it makes you feel any better, I think my brother
我弟弟估計正在和我親妹妹滾床單呢 is somewhere having sex with my sister.
什么 What?
他們都不見了 They are all coming out of the woodwork.
天啊 開什么玩笑呢 Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
不 不是 我說她回酒店了 給我打個電話 No. No, I'm just saying call me if she gets back to the hotel.
好吧 到底是 聽著 我怎么會知道 Well, how the hell... Listen, how am I supposed to know?
所以我才來問你 That's why I'm asking you.
哦 Ow!
終于湊齊了兩邊 我干什么了啊 And that makes a full set. What the hell did I do now?
你知道這么多年里 為什么我和你不親近嗎 Do you know why I've stayed away from you for all these years?
我大概知道 不過 你說 I have some idea. But I... Okay.
因為不管你喜不喜歡 我都是你的女兒 Because like it or not, I'm your daughter.
賈里德繼承了媽媽所有的特質 Jared got all of Mom's traits,
而我卻很不幸地繼承了你的一切 and I won the lottery with all of yours.
對啊 要是我們完全一樣的話 Yeah. You know, if we're the same,
怎么會沒有人每五分鐘就打你一拳 how come no one's popping you in the face every five minutes?
嗯 Huh?
知道嗎 你背叛媽媽的時候 You know, when you cheated on Mom
我就害怕我會以同樣的方式毀掉自己的婚姻 I became terrified that I was gonna ruin my marriage the same way.
可我不想那樣 And I don't want to be like that.
我不想再和你一樣了 I don't want to be like you anymore.
-安德魯來了 -我知道 老爸 -Andrew's here. -Yeah, I know, Dad.
是誰叫他來的 I wonder who called him?
好吧 聽我我說兩件事 Yeah, okay, two things.
就算之后你再也不理我了也行 Then if you never speak to me again, so be it.
我知道你會弄明白是我叫他來 Look. I know you would figure out that I called him.
而且你說得對 萊拉 我們很像 And you're right, Lyla, we are alike.
我們都不傻 Neither of us are particularly close to being stupid.
還有 只要你愿意 And you know what, you can hate me
你后半輩子可以一直恨我 for the rest of your life, if that's what you need.
但是作為父親 我告訴你 But I'm gonna tell you what I need as your father.
作為你的父親 I need as your father
我應該給我的女兒 to be able to give my little girl
最好的機會 讓她幸福 the best chance at a happy life.
我們都很自私 Because ultimately, and we're all selfish,
只有你幸福 我才能幸福 that gives me the best chance at a happy life.
即使是你因此而恨我 Even if you hate me for it.
-我不恨你 -聽我說完 -I don't hate you. -Let me finish.
聽我說完 Let me finish.
我知道你愛我 寶貝 即使你不這么想 I know you love me, sweetheart, even if you don't.
我真的知道 I do know that.
我還知道 我和你媽媽分開的時候 And I know that when Mom and I split up
你覺得你必須選擇一方 you felt that you had to pick a side.
我也能接受你跟了她 And I was okay with that.
因為她比我更需要你 Because, you know, she needed you more than I did.
我明白這一點 And I understand that.
你出生那天 我出門了 高興地不得了 The day you were born, I went out and I got blasted,
把你媽媽一個人留在家里 喝得爛醉 and I left your mom alone. I just drank my face off.
知道嗎 你的小眼睛有點浮腫 You know, you had these swollen little eyes,
還有粉色的小手 and these pink little hands.
你太 You were so...
我都不知道 我這么個老混蛋 I couldn't rectify how something
怎么會生出這么美麗的女兒 so incandescent could come from an old douchebag like me.
男孩們也是一樣 Same with the boys.
不過為了彌補我犯過的幾個錯誤 You know, but for a few mistakes along the way,
我盡力想要在你的生命中占得一席之地 I did the best I could to earn my place in all of your lives.
你可以隨便沖我發脾氣 You know, you can be mad at me, not mad at me.
但這永遠不會改變我對你的感覺 It's never gonna change how I feel about you.
我知道 你覺得這不過是說說而已 And, look, I know these are just words to you now.
但是相信我 你女兒出生之后 But trust me, you'll understand what I mean
你就明白了 when your daughter is born.
你怎么知道會是個女孩 How do you know it's a girl?
我不知道 只是希望你有那份好運 I don't. I'm just hoping you'll be that lucky.
很抱歉我來晚了 And I'm sorry that I'm so late, by the way.
其實我并沒打算過來 I actually wasn't planning on coming.
你沒錯過什么 You didn't miss much.
我媽媽是個兼職的蕾絲 My mom's a part-time lesbian.
我沒什么可說的 I don't have a response for that.
沒事 That's okay.
嗨 Hi.
嘿 Hey.
你真漂亮 寶貝 You look beautiful, honey.
我沒叫你來 I'm not the one who invited you.
好吧 他說你有事要告訴我 Okay. He said that you had something to tell me.
我們撤了 We're just gonna go.
不 不 不行 No, no, no, no, no.
你現在是我妹妹了 這件事和你也有關 You are my sister now. This involves you as well.
你從沒給我打過電話 You never called me.
你說再也不想理我了 Well, you did say that you never wanted to speak to me again.
你也對我說過狠話 You said terrible things to me.
我知道 I know.
我們當時 我 我錯了 很抱歉 We were in a... I was... I'm sorry. I am sorry.
我 I...
我懷孕了 I'm pregnant.
所以你才吐在爸爸身上 That's why you barfed on Dad.
抱歉 Sorry.
哦 Oh.
真的嗎 我真不敢相信 Are you serious? I don't believe this.
安德魯 我不會讓孩子的家庭不幸福 Andrew, I won't bring this baby into an unhappy marriage.
我同意 非常同意 我們想想辦法 I agree. I agree. We can work on that.
好吧 Okay.
我能不能 Can I...
碧亞翠斯 我知道你還在這 Beatrice. I know you're still here
因為我剛才把你的車鑰匙扔進池塘里了 because I just threw your car keys in the pond.
還扔進貓砂里了 And into the kitty litter.
-碧亞翠斯 -我喜歡這樣 -Beatrice? -I love it.
-碧亞翠斯 -哦 天啊 -Beatrice. -Oh, my God.
-哦 -是叫你的吧 -Oh. -I think that's for you.
不管你在哪 馬上給我出來 Get your tight little ass out here, toute de suite.
碧亞翠斯·瑪莎·麥克布萊德 你馬上給我出來 Beatrice Martha McBride, you come out here now
不然我就真生氣了 還要把你的房子毀了 or I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house...
你再不閉嘴 大家都該被你煩死了 And you'll give everybody here a migraine if you don't shut the dilly up.
你想干什么 What do you want?
好了 Okay.
你們繼續 很抱歉打斷了你們 Here you go. Sorry for cutting in.
我只是想告訴你一些事 I just want to tell you something.
好啊 我們都聽著呢 Well, okay. We're all listening.
如果我對生活有所感悟的話 它就像一場夢 If I've learned anything about life, it's that it's all but a dream.
-說得好 -而且也沒有魔法師 -Brilliant. -And there's no wizard
在幕后操縱我們 pulling levers behind a curtain,
也就是說 據我所知 which means, as far as I can see,
愛上一個人 只有一個作用 the only real use in loving someone
那就是讓你的生活更美好 is that it makes your life better.
而如果沒有你 我的生活會黯淡得多 And my life would suck infinitely more without you in it.
哦 Aww!
就說這些 That's it?
這是真心話 That's the truth.
好吧 好吧 我給你個答案 Okay. Okay. I just have one answer for you.
不 不 我沒問你什么問題 No, no, I did not ask you a question.
答案是 是的 The answer is yes.
我什么也沒問他 I did not ask him a question.
沒錯 我就是個混蛋 我總跟女人眉目傳情 Yes. Yes. Yes, I am a horse's ass. Yes, I will ogle,
不過我再也不會勾搭別的女人了 but never again, other than perhaps mentally,
頂多就是想想 fondle another woman.
沒錯 我也會讓你難堪 And yes, I will embarrass you,
讓你吃驚 還總會讓你 and shock you, and often cause you
質疑自己 to question every last reason in the world
為什么要愛上我 why you would ever love me in the first place.
-真的 -你 -Yes. -You...
-嗯 -覺得我還愛你 -Yeah? -Think that I still love you?
你不愛我了 Really, you don't?
-繼續說 -哦 哦 我繼續 -Keep going. -Right, right. And yes,
我寧可用熱湯勺挖出眼球 I would rather gouge out my eyeballs with hot spoons
也不想讓你再感到痛苦 than cause you pain again.
而且 我會把你供在大理石臺面上 And yes, I will keep you on an alabaster pedestal.
說說而已 Words.
而且 And yes,
只要你同意 I will love you and only you for the rest of my life,
我成為你的丈夫 if you will allow me
我下半輩子都會只愛你一個人 the honor of becoming your husband.
你到底從哪拿來的戒指 Where the fuck did you get that ring?
我拿這戒指有一陣子了 大概六年左右吧 I've had it around for a while, six years or so.
六年 Six years?
那么 你怎么說 So, what do you say?
管他呢 Oh, what the hell.
這就對了 That's the spirit.
接下來 Okay then.
依據我手中仍然被賦予的權利 By the power still vested in me,
我現在宣布你們結為夫妻 I now pronounce you husband and wife.
你可以親吻新娘了 You may kiss the bride.
你讓他們為了你撒謊
我不想讓你失望
你們這些美國人太瘋狂了 跟看電視一樣
你覺得我那么不懂變通嗎
可 你就是不懂變通
我十七歲的時候 遇到了一個男人
他比我年紀大 讓人過目不忘
是麥德林市長的代言人
也是第一個和我滾床單的男人
我們在一起了幾年 直到一個女人來到我家
讓我再也不許和他見面
那是他母親
遇見他時 我就知道他結了婚 可是
那老爸呢
等一下 Wait a second.
所以我老爸不是個種豆子的農民
你不是唯一一個為了保護家人而撒謊的人
你太容易被騙了 1676
你要永遠愛我 You'll always love me.
我能跳這支舞嗎 May I have this dance?
哦 Oh!
漂亮 Ooh, yeah.
哦 Oh!
哦 哦 Ohh! Oh, Oh.
多盛大的婚禮 Oh, some wedding, huh?
我第一次趕上買一送一 It's my first two-fer.
是啊 祝賀你 Yeah. Congratulations.
也祝賀你 You, too.
對啊 你說得對 Yeah. You know, you were right.
關于哪件事 About what?
世上有各種不同的愛 There are different kinds of love.
你現在感受到的是哪一種 Which one are you feeling now?
所有種類的愛 All of them.
哇 Whoo!
歡迎加入我們的大家庭 簡寶寶 Welcome to the family, baby Jane.
第一課 你祖母輩都是瘋子 Lesson one, your grandmothers are all nuts.